THE FACE-OFF: Good Guy VS Bad Guy

Wednesday's Relationship Corner

Continuing from last week’s blog (Classic Signs of a Bad Guy), today, I explore the good guy versus bad guy debate.  Again, I must impart on you I’m not a relationship expert... I'm just a girl with a blog.  

I’ve often heard men make the comment “Nice guys finish last.”  I’m here to tell you that that is NOT true.  It may appear like that now, but just like the Tortoise and Hare story, where slow and steady wins the race, much is the same when it comes to Good Guys.  To my Good Guys out there, “Be patient my young Jedi, your time will come!” 

The appeal of a bad boy might come down to a girl just being young or sadly being insecure.  When a girl is young she doesn’t know any better and might find herself going for the things that don’t really matter and undervaluing what does (i.e. like someone treating her good).  In both cases, it’s easy for a girl to get caught up in the allure of being in a relationship as oppose to the quality of a relationship.

For an insecure woman, the appeal of a bad boy may be the desire to tame him and make him smitten for her.  Comparatively, I speculate that these girls will also overlook the good guys, simply because the good guys have made the fault of genuinely liking them. (And if you're a good guy you really don't want to date this kind of girl anyways!)

This may be hard to understand, so follow me.  If someone can’t love themselves enough, then they are not in a position to openly receive love.   “Clearly, there must be something wrong with that guy… why does he like me so much (I don’t even like myself that much)???  But, dude over there must be amazing because he doesn’t like me nearly as much as I like him.  Hmmm, maybe I can make him like me?” says the illogical thinking girl subconsciously…. Again this is just my speculation.  I am not a relationship psychologist… I’m just a chick with a blog and idle thoughts. 

For any girl who finds themselves lamenting over a bad guy what you’re probably really sad about are the fantasies you’ve created about this guy.  It’s very easy to see the potential in someone, and lose sight of who they really are.  Next time you reflect on Le Jerk, really take a closer look and I’m sure you’ll see his true colours.  You can’t choose to see only the possibilities and disregard the glaring reality.  When you let go of the fantasies, you open yourself up to the kind of relationship you deserve.

A woman who is content with herself, her life and KNOWS what she wants won’t put up with a bad guy.  In fact, it often takes a bad guy (or in some cases a few) for a woman to figure out what she wants and how she DESERVES to be treated.  Essentially, the bad guys become our pathway to really valuing and appreciating the Good Guys.  So, while women might date bad guys, most women don’t want to settle with a bad guy.  Indeed, like the Tortoise, it is the good guys that truly wins in the end!!!

POKAROO

One final note… not all bad guys stay as so.  Sometimes the right girl comes along and changes a guy’s dog-pounding ways.  I’ve witnessed this.  But, it doesn’t come about by the girl trying to make the guy a good guy, it comes from a guy realizing he better step up his ways if he wants any chance with this girl he really values.  Change comes from one’s own volition not from someone trying to impose it on you. 

Through the many encounters with bad guys a women might complain about the existence of Good Guys, as if they are Pokaroo (infrequent or possibly a fable). I have a lot of male friends who are “Good Guys” so I know you’re out there in mass quantity…. But, the perception that there are so few of you actually increases your value. A woman who has gotten her act together and KNOWS what she wants is definitely not letting a Good Guy go!!!

To my good guys out there, keep being YOU!  You are and will be valued.  And to my bad guys out there… enjoy it while you can.  With enough time, you will quickly approach the status of a dodo bird… they are extinct! 

P.S:  If you think you are a good guy... maybe check my Classic Signs of a Bad Guy blog.  If you've done any of the 3 signs I've mentioned you might not be as squeaky clean as you'd like to believe...

Just a Girl with a blog,

Nicole