6 Things Women Look for in a Man

As originally posted on the Huffington Post, Sunday October 2, 2011.

Last week, I began to bridge the barrier between men and women, revealing five things men look for in women. Being a female and unable to understand men's language, I turned to my trusty and reliable Facebook friends who were very forthcoming. This week, as promised, I continue the discussion by sharing hours of "girl-chat" as well as the comments of my Facebook friends (yet, again), to reveal what it is women look for in men.

1. Chivalry
Chivalry is not dead! A woman notices whether a man opens the door for her, walks closer to the traffic or pulls out a chair for her when she sits. This is something that separates any man from the pack. A woman with a man who does this will be the envy of all her girlfriends. Yep, you can bet she'll be bragging about your gentleman qualities.

2. Emotionally Available
A quick web search on relationship woes will reveal that being emotionally unavailable is a disease claiming the lives of many men. If you are a man who is afflicted by this disease, you would do well to seek help immediately! Being a man means being able to share how you feel and not worry about how you'll be seen. Gone are the days of a stoic appearance and seeming to have it all together. A blank wall is more attractive than a guy like this. If you're a man having difficulty tapping into this side of yourself, perhaps try watching the movie The Notebook instead of Beaches for a full recovery.

3. Attention to Detail
Women enjoy a man who pays attention to the small details and can recall them at a much later time. This will win any man huge points! For example, let's say your woman of interest tells an inconsequential story about lunch with a friend and in passing she mentions the name of the restaurant. Two weeks later you ask her, "How was the restaurant XYZ you went with your friend the other day? I was thinking we should go out for dinner tonight." A man will be instantly elevated to a level of superhero status, if at a later time, he can remember the small details and demonstrate he was really listening.

4. Compliment Genuinely and Compliment Unexpectedly
Yes, she may look great when she is dressed up and you should definitely let her know. But, it is also important to let a woman know just how special she is to you in her day-to-day life. See her laugh, smile or dimple in her cheek and compliment her on it. Stop to tell her (randomly, out of the blue), "You know, I really like the way you smile. Geeze, you are so beautiful just as you are!" Try this and you'll be thanking me. (Warning, doing this could grant you a month of freedom with your wolf pack, a.k.a. friends.)

5. Honesty
For any relationship to be successful there must be a sense of trust. Honesty is the glue that holds a relationship together and also an attractive feature. Even when it might not be the most pleasant news to tell a woman, it is better for a man to be open and honest than to tell a lie. Women have long perfected the art of detecting a liar. Most times a woman may let a man think he's pulled one over her as she sits back and mentally deconstructs his story, and in doing so, notes that things just don't add up -- all the while NEVER letting the man know she knows what he has just told her was a complete lie. Word of wisdom: just don't lie.

6. Confidence
Confidence is the key to being attractive. It will grab any woman's attention. And confidence should not be confused with arrogance, which involves a false sense of self. But, rather being confident involves taking stock in who you are (not what you do). Confidence should never be based upon your achievements or possessions; these are superficial and transient. Confidence needs to be deep rooted -- it's the belief that you are able to meet whatever challenge is placed before you. It's visible in a man's posture and the way that he carries himself. A man who knows this and owns it (without being arrogant) is like honey is to a bee.

At the end of the day, all a woman wants is to be adored. Yes, it's that simple. It means taking an interest in what she wants, what she is about, what she values and what she is striving for, while being nurturing. In truth, what any and everyone wants is to feel is important! Adoration speaks to this.

Women and men may have different languages, each one struggling to understand the other. But, perhaps if we each take time to think about what we want from that special someone, we'll probably find they would like the same thing in return.

Your non-relationship expert,
Nicole

Follow Nicole Forrester on Twitter: www.twitter.com/nicoleforrester

5 Things Men Look for in Women

Wednesday's Relationship Corner

This was originally posted on Huffington Post.

When it comes to matters of the heart, it seems that all everyone wants is to love and to be loved in return. Yet, as simple as this shared mutual goal may seem, men and women seem to be speaking different languages. They fail to understand the other's desires, which results in amassed dating "games" and confusion. This week I thought I would take a look at what it is men really want from women. Surveying my 2,500 Facebook friends (a very reliable source) I think I might have begun to crack this code.

1. Attraction. There must be some level of attraction, which peaks a man's interest. This doesn't necessarily mean a women needs to look like a Barbie doll or an air-brushed model. Often attraction comes down to how a woman carries herself. A woman walking with confidence, while appearing approachable, can stop traffic and make the most unlikely guy a believer.

2. Independence. We have certainly entered a new era where independence is highly lauded. Men now enjoy women who have their own life going for them. Their life is so exciting and amazing, that they want to be a part of it. Gone are the days that a man wants a woman who will drop all that she's doing for him.

3. Fun. Men enjoy women who can make them smile and the time with them appear to fly by. Being fun may include being spontaneous, humorous or willing to try new things. Often the secret ingredient to being fun is to just be yourself. When you are authentic you are likely to remove any barriers or inhibition you may have, and be less concerned about how you are being perceived.

4. Sanity. Sorry ladies, apparently attributing your mood to hormones is not acceptable. Surprisingly, men do not enjoy women who may, from time to time, appear like Faye Dunaway in Mommie Dearest. Men enjoy women who come with minimal drama, do not overreact and have a mood which doesn't change as often as the current weather. This can be a fine line, as some men do enjoy a strong and assertive woman. But, just like Mary J. Blige's song, they want "No More Drama."

5. Support. This was overwhelmingly mentioned by the "expert" Facebook men I surveyed. It reminds me of a Maya Angelou quote, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." When it comes to relationships, how you make someone feel provides the sustenance power, which can allow a relationship to survive World War III. It is internal, trusting, lasting and provides that "Je ne sais quoi" characteristics. Never underestimate the power of providing a genuine ear to your special someone when they are having a bad day, or believing in them when their dreams may seem impossible. You, my dear, are being supportive and valued for this rare quality.

Hopefully, I've cracked the Martian language of men and have given women an inside look at what it is men want. Next week, I'll reveal what it is women want in a man, and hopefully bridge the language barrier between men and women when it comes to dating.
Your Non-Relationship Expert,
Nicole

 

Follow Nicole Forrester on Twitter: www.twitter.com/nicoleforrester

5 Ways to Fail with the Object of Your Affection

You were going along fine and then you stubbed your toe… This is analogous with having a girl interested in you hook, line and sinker... until you mess up with a deadly sin. Any of these mishaps can have you cast back into the flames of Bacheloritis, where your sins will also be discussed amongst friends and condemned.  Alas, I’m here to help you and save you from yourself, if you read carefully.

1.  Asking Her on a Date and Making Her Pay

I and most of my friends are liberated, independent women.  As such, when on a date I will always offer to pay.  I am of the belief a girl should always offer to pay and a guy should decline the offer.  And not just with the initial dates, but throughout the whole courting process.  It may be old fashioned but I think it may be tied into (dare I say) Darwinism and feeling provided and taken care of.  If a man takes my offer to pay for dinner, it will probably be our last date dinner for he has now been cast eternally into the friend box – where sharing the cost of dinner is acceptable.  If you are still feeling each other out and it’s not officially a date, certainly going halves on dinner is a granted exception and make sense.  But, if it’s a date….. that’s a different story

2. Not Calling When You Say You Will

This is liable to have you “Poofed! Be Gone!” and anye girl that waits around for your phone cal,l you should probably “Poof!  Be Gone!” her. This is a matter of integrity and keeping your word, as well as showing your interest.  People want someone who is excited about them, and if you are lazy with keeping you’re word you’re demonstrating you are just not that into that girl.

3. Being Selfish/Self-Absorbed

Any smart girl will stay away from this guy.  Relationships are a balancing act.  It should not be one sided.  If it is all about one person, it will inevitably end in failure.  

4. Too Many Female Friends

This can be a killer and a source of insecurity.  Some girls cannot be bothered with a guy who has too many female friends, so you might be missing out on the beginning side of dating. And if not, with time the many female friends can become a source of stress and insecurity, as your girl begins to feel in competition.  It all goes back to the age old question, whether men and women can truly be friends. 

5. Jekylle and Hyde

It’s always best to be yourself.  Too often people want someone to like them and will act a certain way with them and another way with their friends.  You cannot keep up this charade forever.  Someone who changes who they are is like a camilian.  You can never be sure if they are their real-selves with you. 

At the end of the day, it’s always best to be considerate, open and yourself.  Dating doesn’t have to be that hard.

Your relationship non-expert,

Nicole

Single for Six Reasons

Wednesday's Relationship Corner
Today's Blog is by Sofi Papmarko, a witty and clever writer with Huffington Post.  I enjoyed this blog by Sofi so much I had to post it on today's Wednesday's Relationship Corner.  Enjoy!


Single for Six Reasons by Sofi Papamarko
In a HuffPost article that went mega-viral, television writer Tracy McMillan detailed the reasons she believes single women aren't yet married.

In "Why You're Not Married," McMillan insists that single women are not married (holy matrimony being the ultimate brass ring of womanhood, apparently) because we fall into one or all of the following categories:

1) You're a Bitch
2) You're Shallow
3) You're a "Slut"
4) You're a Liar
5) You're Selfish
6) You're Not Good Enough

McMillan fancies herself a bit of an expert, in that she has been married three times and brags that she was "born knowing how to get married." It is worth pointing out that McMillan has been divorced just as many times. So while she is certainly an expert in the field of getting hitched, McMillan is not very good at maintaining such a blissful state. Which is sort of the point, I think.

Having never been married, I humbly suggest that you should all pay attention to me instead of McMillan; I haven't married the wrong guy even one time.

McMillan's article stems from a larger problem; the assumption in the media and popular culture that single women are doing something wrong.

I would argue that we are actually doing everything right.

Here are the six real reasons why you, dear female reader, are not married (assuming you even want to be):

1) You're Patient
They say that good things come to those who wait. You're extremely wary about rushing down the aisle to the quickening rhythm of your biological clock. If you have to wait years for the right guy to come along, you will. Hell, you've waited this long.

2) You're Confident
We've all seen it, and it is sad. Women with low self-worth tend to latch onto inappropriate men. They're reluctant to get out of mediocre or even bad relationships because they're worried that they'll never find anyone else who'll love them. You, single lady, are independent, self-sufficient and don't require male validation in order to function day-to-day. You've long since realized that you're more than enough on your own.

3) You're Beautiful
In Mark Gimein's "The Eligible-Bachelor Paradox," he suggests that beautiful women -- confident that they have game -- hold out for something great for a longer period of time because they know they can. It is the less attractive females -- those with fewer chips with which to bet, as he puts it -- who "bid decisively," aggressively latching onto whoever will take them. (No offense, married ladies! I'm sure most of you wed for true love instead of out of quiet desperation.)

4) You 're Successful
Some men are intimidated by successful women, but the right guy will be in awe of all of your accomplishments. Don't downplay all that you've built for yourself. Don't mute or muffle all that you are.

5) You Won't Accept Anything Less Than You Deserve
You've ended relationships that potentially could have led to marriage because he did not treat you with the attentiveness, tenderness and/or respect that you justly deserve. Everyone is better off alone than in a relationship like that.

6) You Know What You Want
McMillan suggests that single women are too picky -- find a man of character and lock him down! Character is key, but there are so many other factors necessary in a successful partnership. Connection. Friendship. Compatibility. Chemistry. McMillan dismisses the need for sexual attraction as shallow, but it's clearly essential.

Sloane Crosley put it best, "Husbands are like tattoos -- you should wait until you come across something you want on your body for the rest of your life..."

The world should stand back admire single women instead of perpetually trying to fix us or fix us up. We're smart enough to know that Prince Charming is the stuff of silly fairytales, but we're definitely going to hold out for a hero.

A version of this article originally appeared in Sun Media newspapers.

How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work

Wednesday's Relationship Corner
I remember learning in an undergraduate sociology class about the impact geography played on romance and thinking how sad that was…. Specifically, I thought (at the time) if there is only “one soul mate” for everyone in the world and if you were born on one side of the world and your “soul mate” was on the other side you could end up living a life soul-mateless.

However, through the miracle of Skype I now realize that geography is no longer a barrier to being with your soul mate.

Yes, its possible to have a successful LDR relationship!  It’s just a matter of having the will to make it work.  LDR’s require a lot of work, but for the right person it can be worth it.  So how do you make it work?  Here’s how.

1.  Regular Communication.  With the likes of Skype and G-Chat we have finally reached the Jetson era, where you can actually talk to someone and physically see them – for free!  If you are in a LDR you must frequently take advantage of this, but it should not feel like a chore.  It must be natural, with a yearning to hear from your beloved and share your experiences that occurred during the day.  You can even have fun, by sending random texts letting your beloved know just how special they are to you, or that you were thinking of them.

2. Have an End Date for the LDR.   An LDR Should not be indefinite… This can and will  be trouble eventually.  It’s best to know that the current situation is not permanent and there should be a goal in mind as to when the torture of the LDR will end, and the two of you will be reunited in the same area code.

3. Plan Regular Visits.  My suggestions is to not let your time apart wane greater than 30 days. Each time you see each other make sure you have already planned the next congenial trip visit.  It gives you both something to look forward to and to not feel like “this is the end” after each visit.  More importantly it keeps the relationship alive and from becoming an “imaginary relationship.”

4. Trust is King.  This is a hard one because trust (as I will discuss in a later blog) requires a vulnerable willingness and often, takes time to develop.  However, the truth of the matter is that you have no other option but to trust the person you’re with if you are going to choose to be in an LDR.  Without this, an LDR is fruitless.  To assist with this, communication is key.   You must speak up when something is bothering you and equally about the good things. 

5. Beware.  If you have a propensity for cheating, stay away from LDRs.  In fact, stay away from dating for awhile and really work on this characteristic of yourself.   Cheating is not cool.

6. Be Creative.  Find ways to let your special someone know that they mean the world to you.  Whether it is sending them a bouquet of flowers, a hand written note or a care package, here’s your chance to make the weakness of distance a strength and capitalize on being romantic.

Overall, when it comes to love I do not believe geography should play a limiting role.  This world is way too big to be denied that perfect connection.  Besides, absence does make the heart grow fonder.  But, you BOTH must be committed to the success of a LDR.  Otherwise, it is futile.   

I leave you with 2 stanzas from “Time to Say Goodbye;”  a story about a couple in a LDR (I believe) separated by the distance of a sea and finally united… In fact, in your random act of being creative (Step 6) why not play this song to your beloved. 

Your Non-Relationship Expert, Girl with a blog,

Nicole

Time to Say Goodbye

When I'm alone I dream of the horizon and words fail me.

There is no light in a room where there is no sun

and there is no sun if you're not here with me, with me.

From every window unfurls my heart the heart that you have won.

Into me you've poured the light,

the light that you found by the side of the road.

Time to say goodbye.

Places that I've never seen or experienced with you.

Now I shall, I'll sail with you upon ships across the seas,

seas that exist no more,

it's time to say goodbye.

Time to Say Goodbye (Italian Version)

Quando sono sola

sogno all'orizzonte

e mancan le parole,

si lo so che non c'è luce

in una stanza quando manca il sole,

se non ci sei tu con me, con me.

Su le finestre

mostra a tutti il mio cuore

che hai accesso,

chiudi dentro me

la luce che

hai incontrato per strada.

Time to say goodbye.

Paesi che non ho mai

veduto e vissuto con te,

adesso si li vivrò.

Con te partirò

su navi per mari

che, io lo so,

no, no, non esistono più,

it's time to say goodbye.

10 Things Your Girlfriend Needs to Hear You Say

Today's Wednesday Relationship Corner, comes via Mary Edwards (author).

There are certain phrases that a girl longs to hear from her guy. They are not random phrases, however; each phrase or word relates to a different situation. They also can be expressed in a variety of ways, but they do need to be communicated, and words work real well for that communication thing.

1. I’m proud of you. Let her know that you notice her significance and her talents. Be specific. If she works hard at her goals, let her know that you notice and acknowledge it. Brag on her in front of others too. That will mean even more.


2. I love being with you. Don’t assume that she knows this, just because you’re together so much. She needs to know that you are with her because you enjoy being with her, and that it isn’t just habit or a feeling of obligation.


3. Thank you. Don’t drop your manners, just because she’s your girlfriend. If she hands you something, say thank you. If makes you a meal, thank her for it. If she changes her plans for you, make sure she knows that you appreciate her sacrifice.


4. Can I help you? If she has work to do around the house, or she has volunteer work to do, offer to help her out, to work alongside of her. Even if she doesn’t take you up on the offer, the gesture will be appreciated.


5. I missed you. Let her know that she’s been missed when you’ve been apart for awhile. It doesn’t matter which one of you were away, it is the separation that is the issue. Hopefully, she’ll be saying she missed you too.


6. Have fun! Encourage her to enjoy her time with her friends or family when she chooses to spend time with them on her own. She needs to know that you do not need to be the center of everything she does, and that you don’t resent her enjoying activities which you aren’t involved in.


7. You look beautiful. Girls never get tired of hearing that, and they especially need to hear it when they aren’t feeling very beautiful, like when the rain just ruined their hair, or they’re in a hospital bed with no makeup or their sitting around in their sweats.


8. You can do it. Be her cheerleader when she’s having doubts about her own abilities. It’ll be easier for her to believe in herself, if she knows that you do. She will especially need to hear it from you if she has other people in her life telling her that she won’t make it.


9. I’m sorry. If you make a mistake or hurt her feelings, even if it was unintentional, be willing to apologize. Don’t let your pride stand in the way of mending your relationship. She will gain more respect for you, if you are able to say those two words. It takes a big man to admit when he is wrong.


10. Please. Just like thank you, this common courtesy word should not disappear from your conversations with your girlfriend. Don’t take her agreement for granted. Ask her to do things, don’t tell her, and include the appropriate ‘please’ on the end.

There you have it. Memorize them. Write them down, but most of all…use them in your conversations with your girlfriend. She’ll notice if you do, and she’ll notice if you don’t.
~Mary Edwards (author)

5 Ways to Get "That Girl" Interested in You

Wednesday's Relationship Corner

She’s beautiful, smart, a one of a kind and has a lot going for her.  In the words of Sting “every little thing she does is magic!”  This girl was made for you… but what would a girl like her want with a guy like you?  Well, probably nothing - if you’re not willing to put yourself out there! 

You have to be willing to risk rejection to show up at the ball with Cinderella. 

Now nobody likes to be rejected. You can’t help feeling minimized.  You might find yourself thinking “if only I had that 6-pack! or a job! or I didn’t live at home!” or find yourself asking the overwhelming question “why wasn’t I good enough?”  But, it’s all apart of the dating ritual.  And as a man it is your evolutionary-based responsibility to do the chasing (I believe ;)).  It rarely works the other way around.  Which means, you better grow a tough armor when it comes to dating? 

So, just how do you successfully get that magical girl?  Well, follow these steps and you just might be in luck.  (Now keep in mind I don’t have a PhD in dating, I specialize in sports psychology.  So, when it comes to matters of the heart, I’m just a chick with a blog, relying on many “girl talks” and life experiences.)

Step 1.  Be Witty Possibly Charming But Not Cheesy

Charm is a definite girl magnet.  BUT, it is also sign of being a player and someone some girls will avoid at all costs (Classic Signs of a Bad Guy).  So, you don’t want to poor on the charm.  Comparatively, being witty means being engaging, attentive and having comfortable (not forced) conversations.  Work on having an entry, but not a line.  What I mean, is if you see a girl and want to approach her, work on having a way to do so.   Maybe make a general remark, like “Did I just see you reading Outlier?  That's an incredible book.  Where are you in it?...Have you read any of Malcolm Gladwell's other books?" It's that easy! And at all cost avoid being cheesy or making jokes that are not funny.  Humour is good, if you are a natural at it.  It could be your best entry or it could bury you.  Personally, I’m a sucker for humour, as long as it’s not forced and doesn’t beckon a fake laugh.

Step 2.  Pay Attention

Word to the wise, people’s favourite topic to talk about is themselves.  So take an interest in what your beloved is saying and doing.  Ask follow-up questions that demonstrate that you were paying attention and encourage her to tell more.  This goes hand in hand with making her feeling special.  People are attracted by how someone makes them feel.  It lingers and is infectious.  And it also sets you apart from the rest of the suitors!

Step 3 Test the Waters

If a girl is interested, she’s going to respond to your advances.  A girl who is interested but playing it cool may not initiate contact but will definitely respond to your reaching out – whether it’s you calling, emailing, tweeting, FBing or your attempts to converse with her.  If she takes awhile to get back to you and isn’t so warm/receptive to your advances she’s probably just not that into you.  Back off… You don’t want to become a bug-a-boo (a.k.a an annoyance).   But, if she is smiling, laughing and receptive to your approach she’s into you.  I can’t tell you how many guys will drop the ball here.  Don’t be that guy!

Step 4 Man-Up and Ask Her Out

Ok, it’s not like it’s going to kill you if she says no… At the very least you are better prepared for the next girl.  Personally, if I like a guy I won’t ask him out.  I’m not in the business of chasing a guy.  So, if I’m asking a guy out, he’s probably entered the domain of friends… and no guy wants to be in the friend box or a Duckie.   Like it or not, a lot of woman want a man who will take charge and asking a girl out is a demonstration of this “manly” feature. 

One thing to note - when you do take your “special” lady out don’t over due it but don’t under due it either.  I once had a guy offer to cook me dinner and it was peanut butter and jelly… And I’m not joking. (excessively underdone... POOF!) 

I think going for dinner or coffee is a safe bet and if you want to add to it, try doing something unique –something that shows a hint of your personality/interest without freaking her out and over doing it.  If you are on the Chef Ramsay level of cooking I’d save sharing that aspect of yourself for a third date, but maybe settle with taking your special girl to a nice restaurant where you might order the wine and suggest a meal choice for her, demonstrating a hint of your cuisine expertise.

 

Step 5. Follow-Up

If you enjoy your time with Miss. Fabulous and she seems receptive follow-up.  You don’t have to wait the traditional 3 days, but don’t call within 1 hour of just seeing her, either. 

Follow these five simple dating steps and you might discover you can get that girl you thought was out of your league.   You’ll never regret asking someone out as much as you will if you never do ask someone out.  Don’t forget you too are an amazing person and if you recognize it, trust me other people will as well.  So, while your wondering about a girl there is a good chance she is doing the same about you.

Happy hunting!

Your relationship non-expert,

Nicole

Last Wednesday's Relationship Corner Blog:  The Art of Being Attractive

20somethings + relationships - A Guest Blog by Alexandra Orlando

Today's blog was written by my friend Alexandra Orlando on the light of the Relationship Corner Blogs I post on Wednesday.  So, if you enjoy those blogs you'll definitely enjoy this one.  To read more of her blogs and learn about her check her website www.alexandraorlando.ca.  Alexandra is an Olympian and 6-Time Commonwealth Games Champion in Rhythmic Gymnastics.  This is a great read, with a lot of aspects of dating revealed.  Enjoy!



20somethings + relationships - A Guest Blog by Alexandra Orlando
After reading so many of my good friend and Canadian Olympian Nicole Forrester’s incredible relationship blogs (http://www.nicole-forrester.blogspot.com/), I’ve decided to voice my own opinion on love and living the single city girl life in Toronto. Why is it that when you reach a certain age all of a sudden people are so concerned with why you don’t have a significant other? When you’re younger no one cares whether or not you’ve brought someone home to thanksgiving dinner or winter holidays because realistically they probably won’t be around that much longer.

And then it all changes, but when does that happen? I still can’t figure out the exact moment where my relationship status (now broadcasted on all forms of social media) became such interesting news.


No longer do you get the plus 1 on invitations to parties and your friends begin to set you up with people (the absolute worst). No longer are you in your early twenties and you’ve found that the dreaded three letter word MID that has crept up on you has begun to define the type of life you should be living. Where did you think you would be when you were in your mid-twenties? At 15 I thought I’d be married, incredibly happy and rich with three german shepherds on some great piece of property – um yeah.

Little did I know, life had much more in store for me. Almost ten years later and I’m not exactly where I want to be relationship wise, but I’ve learned a hell of a lot.Well to be clear, I’ve learned exactly what I don’t want – so for all of those who came and went it was all for a reason. I wish I would have seen it like that a little bit earlier, but everyone needs to go through that horrible period of bad dates, even worse break ups and heart aches to finally get it.

Some would call me quite a jaded realist these days and they’re actually pretty accurate. The days are gone when I used to think my knight in shining armour would sweep me off my feet and you could trust someone with your heart with ease. In fact, that word trust gets thrown around so much these days I’m not sure if people really understand the full magnitude of its meaning.

I think that people are so scared of being alone that they hold on to relationships that don’t even work. I was never one to mind being on my own, I enjoyed it. I saw my parents and the love that they had for each other and still have over 30 years later and I could never settle for anything less. That’s trust. That is love.
So what you’re single and in your mid-twenties – to all of you out there don’t stress so much about it. The non-traditional lifestyle is still a great one to live.

Remember that
Alexandra Orlando

The Art of Being Attractive

Ahhhh….. the thing that most people desire - to be the apple of someone’s eye.  There seems to be some alluring power of being attractive.  It’s human nature.  But, I believe part of the secret of being attractive is less about you and more about how you make others around you feel.  By making people feel good about themselves, empowered and liberated, it promotes an image of independence, assurance in self and of humanity, that on some basic level to all is attractive.  Here are some ways that the art of being attractive is cultivated. 

1. Have a Passion, but Not an Obsession

Have you ever met someone who seemed to have an interesting life that you just wanted to be a part of?  Their life probably seemed interesting because they were living out their passion.  My challenge to you, is for you to be that person.  Part of it means getting real and identifying what it is you are really passionate about and following through.  Make and live your life excitingly, if you do that you become a magnet for others and also a leader by example.

2. Posture, Posture, Posture

Shoulders back, tall, head up and a walk of confidence commands attention.  When it comes to dating, I believe posture can make someone seemingly unattractive appear as if they are Denzel Washington or Brad Pitt.  I don’t care if you are 4 feet or 6 feet if you walk with a strong posture it draws attention and attraction to you.

3. Smile

I’ve probably said this a thousand times in my tweets and facebook statuses, but a smile is contagious!  It lights up a room and makes people feel welcomed in your company.  It is an attractor.  Be that energy and that beacon of contagious smiling, setting the tone when you enter a room.  It doesn’t cost you anything to smile and the rewards are abundant.  Think about it, when someone smiles do they not instantly seem approachable and interesting.  Men you have a leg up on this, because not enough men smile.  Smiling separates you from the pack.

4. Make People Feel Special in Your Company

These people have the ability to give their full attention to others, no matter how brief, and to make everyone they come into contact with feel like all that they are saying is relevant, no matter how inconsequential it may be.  They are that magnet that draws everyone to them.  Remember, at the end of the day everybody wants to feel special or important and we each have the ability to do so.

5. Have a Personality

This one’s a killer.  You can be the most beautiful person in the world, but that will only take you so far.  Revealing some depth to your personality creates sustenance.  Remember beauty fades, but personality lasts a lifetime. I believe personality also correlates with one’s authenticity.  I can’t tell you how many guys I’ve met who are lacking in personality or are fame/popularity driven.  A HUGE turnoff!  But, someone who isn’t afraid to be themselves and have a “take me as I am attitude,” lights up a room and also encourage others to do the same.

People have attraction confused with appearance – body size, height and features.  That may be part of it but, certainly not all of it.  Moreover, attraction to one’s appearance does not last.  It is how we carry ourselves and make other people feel, which truly attracts others to us and lasts a lifetime.

Your relationship non-expert,

Nicole

Single in the City - ANOTHER 8 GREAT PLACES TO MEET SOMEONE (the summer edition)

A little while ago I provided a list of 8 great places to meet someone when you are “Single in the City.”  Well, I’ve decided to revisit that list and provide you with an updated version.  It appears I may have missed some spots, and with a couple months left of summer you will want to make use of these new additions. 

ANOTHER 8 GREAT PLACES TO MEET SOMEONE

1. Golf Course – Ladies if you haven’t teed off you are missing out.  Whether you are in the club house, driving range or on the green, working on your putting skills, the golf course presents an ocean of male counterparts.  And seeing a girl hit + 200 yard tee shot or a ball lost in the trees might make you appear instantly hot or adorable.  Either way you are definitely gaining some attention.  The best time to go might depend on the golf course and the age group you are fishing for.  My suggestion is arrive early and stay late, lingering in the club house and engaging in some small talks with the passer bys.  You never know who you might meet. 

2. Cooking Class – Even if you are a queen banana bread baker and chef like me ;), taking a cooking class might be well worth it, if not to learn cooking terminology.  A recent encounter with a chef who teaches cooking classes across various cities confirmed for me what I always thought – cooking classes is a great place to meet someone.   My source revealed that he usually has an equal amount of women and men that take his classes.  The benefit of course is that, if you do meet someone you can be assured that if they can’t cook at least they are ambitious enough to learn.

3. Running Group – This is speed dating meets exercising.  Joining a running group is a great way to get fit and meet various people. You can find a running group as simples as checking out your local running shoes store, like the Running Room. You can usually run at your own pace and through partnering up enjoy some good conversations with various people.  If you don’t like who you are running with or don’t feel that spark, than that might be your insensitive to run faster and start chit chatting with another person.

4. Beach Volleyball – Does this need any further explanation???  Just get out there… Please remember to wear sunscreen though… safety first. ;)

5. Beer Store – Ladies much like golfing, this is YOUR haven.  You are likely to be the only girl in a beer store at any given time!  If you are a beer connoisseur you may be able to use that as your angle to begin small talk.  If not, go for the dark beer and or ask for help with getting that 12 pack from the top shelf and you’ll definitely have conversations coming your way.  Please note a Beer Store is NOT the same as a liquor store in the USA…. In fact, a liquor store is definitely not where you want to encourage small talks with strangers. RUN!

6. Head North - Oh, the joy of cottage living – relaxing, fun and another great place to meet someone.  However, you cannot do this by staying inside your cottage all weekend.  Head into town to the local “hot spot.”  This might be where you get great burgers, lures, or it could be the local convenient store (ok, hopefully it’s not the latter).  Something about being at the cottage typically makes people friendlier.  Engaging in small talk you might find yourself the honoured guest later that evening at a cookout or BBQ or invited on a boat ride the next day.  If you don’t have a cottage, don’t worry, rent a cottage with friends for the weekend or just head north anyways (as if you have a cottage) and hang out at the “hot spot” all weekend (but without looking creepie)…

7. Visit an Exhibit – This you can do solo, but be sure to carry yourself confidently, looking good and approachable (wear a smile).  You don’t have to be an expert or even a lover of the exhibit you are attending.  Curiosity is enough.  In fact, with curiosity you might have the courage to strike up a conversation about an exhibit piece to a stranger.  You’ll be surprised how many people may kill a weekend afternoon at an exhibit. 

8. Cocktails – Especially on a Thursday or Friday this can almost be synonymous with a meet market.  But, if you are interested in brushing up on your approachability and small talk skills this is the place.  I do suggest limiting yourself to bringing only one other friend (of the same gender).  A big group can seem intimidating for any possible suitors.  Also, location, location, location is key.  So, grab a chair close to the bar where people will be placing orders and traffic is high.  And as always, look good, approachable and wear a smile.

At the end of the day it’s all about putting yourself out there, without the stench of desperation and appearing approachable.  You might not find “The One” but you’ll be surprised at the incredible and fascinating people you’ll meet, simply by engaging in small talk.  And don’t be afraid to be the one that starts up a conversation.  One suggestion to my male readers: if a girl is responding to your small talk and you like her, don’t let it fizzle.  Ask her out!  (You’d be surprise how many guys might wimp out on this last step… you snooze you lose.)

And last but certainly not least, enjoy your time being single.  Meeting new people is also a chance to get to better know yourself.

Your Relationship Non-Expert,
Nicole