DATING: 5 Signs You Are Being Blown Off

WEDNESDAY'S RELATIONSHIP CORNER

So, you've met the "ONE" or so you think... The only problem is you are not sure if that person likes you.  If you are wondering and there isn't any obvious signs, than you're wondering is probably in vain.  Sorry... That person probably doesn't like you... at least not the way you like them. (But, what do I know? I am not a relationship expert. I'm just a girl with a blog.)

Many people have the tendency of falling for someone who isn’t right for them or interested in them.  You may call it human nature, I call it denial.  The truth of the matter is that often times people are blowing you off (in the nicest way they know possible), and yet YOU choose to see otherwise.  You cling to the possibility of maybe there is still a chance instead of facing reality.   If you are not sure if you are being blown off, here is your guide.

5 Signs You are Being Blown Off

  

1. Too Busy. Someone who is interested in you will move heaven and earth to see you. We are all busy, but if we really want to do something, we always find a way to make time for it. You move your schedule around, create time or do something. That person is not leaving your grasp, that’s for sure! Someone, you aren’t really interested in, you’re not changing your schedule or setting time aside for them. You’re just not that into them. Same can be said about anyone who is TOO busy for you!

2. Can’t Reach Them By Phone. In this day and age if someone tells you their phone is “conveniently” not working on a Friday or Saturday night, they are probably LYING to you. Or if you text them and it takes them a while to reply, you’re not of real interest to them. Sorry, them’s the break. The fact of the matter is if someone is really into you, they have their phone close at hand. They are waiting to receive a text or a call from you. Why? Because they are excited to hear from you!

3. They Make Tentative Plans, But Don’t Confirm. This person will have you talking about getting together to catch up over drinks or going to a movie but never follows-up. If you try to corner them, they will conveniently have some event or activity that conflicts with your tentative plan, but will be quick to rain check you again. Someone into you will always firm up the plan and get a scheduled date!... Move on!

4. They Give you the “I’m not ready for a relationship” line. What they really are saying, is that they are not ready for a relationship with YOU… This person does not want to burn their bridges, in the rare case they do discover they want to be in a relationship with you. This is closely related to Mr. Someday. Essentially, this person wants to put you on layaway plan, while they see what else is out there. If someone is really into you, they are going to scoop you up immediately. They aren’t going to risk losing you….They know YOUR worth and DON’T want to lose you to another person. Really, Poof! Be Gone! this person.

5. Talks About the Opposite Sex Around You in Glowing Reviews. If you are interested in a girl and she is mentioning how fabulous or gorgeous a guy she met in passing was, she is telling you as subtly as she knows how, she’s not into you. Take it as insightful news and don’t waste another precious thought on that person.

When someone is blowing you off, you may find yourself essentially chasing them! You are strategic as to when you call them, you tolerate their lame excuses of unavailability and you carefully weigh what it is you do and say around them.

You, my dear are a shell of yourself. YOU are chasing that person and they don’t want to be caught by you! They might not want to burn bridges by being upfront with you, but they are being completely selfish. Oddly, the more you give into their ways, the less appealing you appear… How can they respect you, when you don’t respect yourself enough to set boundaries? If you are being blown off, it’s not a pretty feeling. Sure, it stings a little, but it is better to know now than to linger and waste your time being delusional about the future. Don’t ever give anyone free rent space in your head who can’t take the time to recognize your worth. You deserve better! Besides, would you really want to be with someone who was only slightly interested in you?

Your non-expert relationship blog girl,

Nicole

Dare To Enter Our Mind: 10 Things Men Do Not Know About Women

WEDNESDAY'S RELATIONSHIP CORNER

Men often complain that women are hard to understand.  And maybe that’s right.  The blame may lie with our failure to be direct when it comes to men.  Women like to be ginger on topics, as to not hurt a man’s feelings and prefer to give hints, assuming men will clue in.  I can’t deny I’ve been guilty of this from time to time.  The problem is it perpetuates things and keeps men in the dark as oppose to shinning some light on things.  So, here are some tips to help any man in question.

DO NOT have more hair products than us.  This is a killer!  We don’t want to have to share our hair products and time in the bathroom.  A man with a lot of hair products is a definite sign of concern… Try to go with Pert Plus (shampoo and conditioner in 1).  If you need more hair products than that …consider a hair cut.  (Please note in some cases we’ll allow a guy to have a few hair products, just not the whole medicine cabinet.)

DO have a little bit of callus on the hands.  This is a good thing.  We enjoy “manly hands,” so that also means your nails better not be longer than ours.  That could blow any of your chances you have with a girl.  Clip those nails and don’t pumice the callus away.

DO NOT just work out your chest and arms when exercising.  Really, PLEASE DON’T.  It creates an upside-down triangle shape – big on top and skinny at the bottom.  You need some balance to your physique so don’t forget about your legs.  Yes, working the legs is harder and takes longer to get that “Where’s the beach look,” but trust me, a man with nice legs scores high….

DO have good posture.  This can drastically improve your look.  A good posture on men involves shoulders back and chest high.  A man with such a posture exudes confidence, strength and gets YOU NOTICED! And it also makes you look taller.  You can throw away your shoe lifts and just walk tall with a good posture.  

DO NOT try to appear important/Mr. Bigtime – especially more than you actually are - screams out insecurity and is laughable. This is NOT attractive.  AVOID THIS AT ALL COST!  Or you could find yourself the butt of a joke instead of the man we wish to be with… Please note this is a close cousin of being a snob.  Yep, we don’t like snobs either. (Caveat - You may attract some girls but it will be the wrong ones… certainly not the kind of girl that likes you for WHO you are as a person.)

DO practice chivalry.  It is not dead!  We notice whether you open the door for us, walk closer to the traffic and pull out a chair for us when we sit.  This is also something which nicely separates you from the pack.  Do this and you will be the envy of all her girlfriends. Yep, you can bet she’ll be bragging about your gentleman qualities.

DO NOT attempt to workout without wearing a jock strap and avoid wearing gray sweats.  I’m not going to say much about this one… Just trust me. 

DO offer to cook for us!  This puts you on another stratosphere… and I don’t mean hot dogs or a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.  A man that can cook well is usually one we want to hang onto.  Your ability to cook separates you from the pack.  Even someone like Rumpelstiltskin can instantly appear hot/attractive by his mere ability to cook.  If you can’t cook, you better start watching some Martha Stewart shows.

DO NOT assume anything.  Leave the assuming to us.  Like we assume you can read our minds.   When in doubt ask!

DO feel free to cry in our company… at the appropriate moment (like in the movie The Notebook).  Tears are endearing and show you are sensitive.  If you have problems crying, fake it until you make it… Pack some Visine and strategically place it in your eyes to appear as if you are crying.

Providing some non-expert Wednesday advice,

Nicole

Dating A Tall Woman (Achtung Series!)

RELATIONSHIP CORNER (continuation from last week)

As I stated last week, barefoot, I am the blessed height of 1.921m which is roughly 6’3 ½ ...  When I was younger, I did not like my height.  As I sprouted through the 7th and 8th grade I would plead with God to make me stop growing… For any child at that age, you just want to fit in… puberty is bad enough.  But, now as I’ve gotten older, I absolutely love being tall!!!! I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

It is scary how many tall women do not like their height. Possibly, because unknowingly society can do a good job of making a tall woman feel like she doesn’t fit in.  It’s there in the obvious acknowledgement of a women being taller than norm.  (No one ever dares to ask an overweight woman how much she weighs, yet it is acceptable to ask a woman how tall she is.)  A quick search online and you’ll see many tall women blogs discuss the challenges of dating when you are tall. 

If you are tall, you have to embrace it, own it and love it.  If you don’t, how else can you expect anyone else to?  When it comes to dating, there are certainly some advantages and disadvantages.  Men can be easily intimidated by tall women.  Especially, if you are over the 6 foot marker.  

CHALLENGES -

1. Insecure Men - For a man to date a tall woman, he has to be confident!  For one thing, men often like to inflate their height.  Lately, it seems, every man is claiming to be 6 feet.  Even a man who is clearly 5’8 will have the audacity to say he is 6 feet.  Dating a tall woman, may force a man to acknowledge their TRUE height!

Likewise, a man should never assume that a taller woman would not be interested in dating them.  The mere question itself makes you appear insecure.  If you like a woman, you should let her know. Who cares if she is taller?!  Height differences between genders are inconsequential.

2. Attention Getter  - (This actually can be an advantage also) If you are in the company of a tall woman, you’ve got to be able to withstand the attention she may receive… and if you are with someone as tall as me, it will be A LOT of attention… lol … My height can easily be the centre of attention.  If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me about my height I’d be a millionaire… literally!

ADVANTAGES

1. Weed Out The Weak Gazelle - Being a tall woman allows you to weed out the insecure/weak gazelle men.  There is nothing more unattractive than an insecure man, and nothing hotter than a confident (but not arrogant!) man.  I’ve got a big personality and if a man can’t handle my height he certainly will not be able to handle my personality.

2. Hottest Fashion Style - Currently, tall women seem to be in style… And I’m not sure what this craze is about… perhaps it’s always been the case and I am just now realizing it.  I’m not sure I understand this fascination with tall women, but I’m rolling with it.  I can only assume it has something to do with (dare I say) Darwinism, and having tall off springs.  Who knows??? (If you do know, feel free to let me know.)

All I know is we are who we are…  There are certain attributes we each have, that can never be changed… Height is one them.  If you are tall woman, remember to always stand tall and embrace your statuesque appearance.  And if you are a man, don’t ever feel intimidated by a tall woman.  If the height difference doesn’t matter to you, then chances are it won’t matter to her.

For the rest of you (vertically challenged world), continue to live a good life.  And perhaps in your next life you’ll be the front of the line when height is being distributed. ;)

Standing head & shoulders above everyone else (literally),

Nicole

See last week's blog Dating Shorter Men

Dating Shorter Men… PART I (ACHTUNG SERIES)

RELATIONSHIP CORNER
I stand a solid 1.921m (approximately 6’3 ½) without shoes….  I love my height (you can have a lot of random fun with people at this height).   In my eyes, the world is heavily populated by vertically challenged people.  But, that’s just my perception.

As a woman of my stature, people will often ask me how tall are the guys I date.  Well, unlike other females, I do not discriminate based on the height of a guy.  That seems ignorant to me, and not just because I’m tall, but, the quality of a person isn’t determined by their stature.  In fact, I’ve known A LOT of tall insecure men… And really who wants to date someone who doesn’t have a sense of self?

Perhaps, stature presents a masculine quality for some women.  Or perhaps it’s simply a case of supply and demand, whereby the lesser supply of tall men, make them appear more attractive (for some women) than their shorter counterpart.  Who knows?

Dating someone purely on the basis of their height seems as limiting as dating someone on the basis of their race.  The world is filled with phenomenal people – yours to discover!  Placing superficial constraints limits the endless possibilities of men who will treat you the way one deserves to be treated.

Likewise, supply is on your side.  When you limit your superficial barriers you have a wider net to cast true potential.   Essentially, you can have a full realm of possibilities; and in so doing really account for the qualities that truly matter.

Dating someone shorter can also be a means of testing a man’s confidence.  Let’s face it; it takes a lot more Kahunas for a man to date a woman taller than them.  For a man who has insecurity issues, it could test their TRUE masculine qualities.  Do they feel dwarfed and feminized in the presence of a statuesque woman, or empowered?   I will choose the empowered man any day of the week.  You become their uptown girl, like Christie Brinkley was for Billy Joel.

As for men out their daring to date a taller woman…. be sure you have your confidence in place. 

Enjoying the friendly skies,

Nicole

It's Raining Men/Women: The Art of Being Attractive

Don’t you find it funny that when you are not trying to date or looking for a relationship, the river is overflowing with options? However, when you are in a good head space about dating, ready to give your best, nobody’s around? Pretty odd, don't you think?  Wouldn't the latter option be the ideal person to date? 
I’ve been unofficially studying this phenomenon for awhile, and I’ve determined that when you are looking for “love” you have a stench confused with desperation. It’s human nature for people to want what they can’t have. Availability reduces your value. It’s a simple case of supply and demand; the supply being your willingness to give yourself to a relationship.

Comparatively, having someone interested in you can provide a false sense of bravado. This “false” sense of confidence can make you even more attractive to other people, and all of a sudden you become the flavour of the month… But, it’s short lived… It’s completely influenced by the opinions of others. Once you become out of style, the relapse can make you so insecure, that your “glory days” may be a distant memory.

The truth of the matter is that people are attracted to confidence (with the exceptions of “Shallow Hal’s” who are mainly attracted to beauty. I’ll blog more about this on Monday.) 

If you’re looking for love or to at least garner the attention of possible suitors, take stock in WHO you are (not what you do). Radiate that with confidence (NOT ARROGANCE) and the stench of desperation will be removed. Also, you’ll possibly find yourself a magnet of superpower attractiveness.

One last note… the next time someone amazing comes along, who wants to make themselves available to you, try them out... You may find they are indeed a perfect fit, and what you’re chasing are waterfalls.



Unofficial Dating-Phenomenon Researcher,
Nicole

Single In The City - 8 Great Places to Meet Someone New

So you’re Single in the city…. Well not much longer… All you need is confidence, openness, and a willingness to converse while trying new things.

Today’s blog was written with a bit of humour.  While, my suggested sites are valid, I did have some fun with my reasoning. 

Last week I wrote about getting over an Ex.  If you took my non-professional advice you may find yourself at Step 5, where you are meeting new people.  Meeting someone new is actually a lot easier than it may seem.  The world is literally a well-spring of many possibilities to be discovered.  However, you have to believe YOU (the product) are incredible.  You cannot carry any hint of desperation or your attempts will be futile.  You just need to be open to the possibility of meeting new people, without any expectations.  Learn how to make small talk.  This is essential!  And always take care of your appearance.  You never know when someone may be giving you a second glance.

	FOR WOMEN	FOR MEN
1.	Church – Possibly the best place to meet someone, especially if you engage in community events, outside of church service.	Church – Possibly the best place to meet someone, especially if you engage in community events, outside of church service.
2.	Gym – This is literally a meat market.  It is the day version to the bar scene, especially if you go after work hours.  Don’t be afraid to check out the free weight areas… especially the bench press station…  That seems to be where most men will eventually make their way to.	Gym – This is literally a meat market.  I can attest to being in the change room and seeing women primping themselves as they are about to begin working out.  The gym is the day version to the bar scene, especially if you go after work hours.  Don’t be afraid to use mainly machine exercise equipment.  Women tend to use these equipments more  then the free weights.
3.	Electronic Store – A place like Best Buy has all the makings for a “Man Cave.”  On any given day, you will find more men in an electronic store than females.  Most importantly, they will linger for a long time in this venue… ample time to make eye contact, small chat and help him pick out his Man Cave duds.	Supermarket – Say no more.  Especially, if you linger in the fruits and vegetable sections.  However, do not attempt to talk to a woman in the feminine protection aisle.  That could be awkward.
4.	Airport – This might also be a strong day contender to the gym, as another meat market.  People are super friendly, nosey and have plenty of time to kill…. Ladies, this a perfect example of you never know who you might meet, so always look sharp while travelling and be sure to carry yourself with confidence but approachable.    Also, if you can visit the lounge area of an airline.  It’s literally 1 woman to 50 men in the lounge.  It could feel like you are a woman in China… that’s how good your odds are.	Airport - This might also be a strong day contender to the gym, as another meat market.  People are super friendly, nosey and have plenty of time to kill….  Your job is to make small talk while you wait for your flight.  Even if you are an elite traveler with lounge access it’s better to spend your time outside of the lounge.  Fewer women may be found in the lounge area.
5.	Bookstore – A great place to get an understanding of people’s interest.  A book can tell a lot about someone.  However, try to stay away from the “Self-Help” section on this outing.	Bookstore - A great place to get an understanding of people’s interest.  A book can tell a lot about someone.  However, try to stay away from the “Self-Help” section on this outing.
6.	Sporting Store – Say no more…	Mall – Great place for men… But, do not go into Victoria Secret and act as if you are shopping for your sister.  Perhaps, a better alternative is to walk by Victoria Secret and catch women as they are leaving or entering.
7.	Sporting Event (i.e. NHL or NBA game) Men and sports go together like peanut butter and jam.  Pretty much at any testosterone pumping sporting event, you are guaranteed to be the minority.  My suggestions know a little a bit about the teams playing before picking your outing.  Also, dress the part, while managing to look fabulous.	Salon – Say no more…. A haven for women and a place where open conversations are as common as nail polish.  Don’t be afraid to go to a salon to get a pedicure.  GUARANTTEED to engage in a long conversation with an attractive woman…. GUARANTEED! Plus, we women enjoy seeing the rare appearance of a man in a salon!
8.	Coffee Shop – The coffee shop is a sure place to meet new people.  People are really friendly in this environment for some reason, and eager to engage in short conversations.  Also, if you look up from your book every now and then you might catch the eye of glancing stranger, possibly checking you out for the last hour.	Coffee Shop – The coffee shop is a sure place to meet new people.  People are really friendly in this environment for some reason, and eager to engage in short conversations.  Also, if you look up from your book every now and then you might catch the eye of glancing stranger, possibly checking you out for the last hour.

The EX Factor: How To Get Over An Ex

*RELATIONSHIP CORNER

So, he/she told you it's over!  They've moved on, but you can't.... Waiting and hoping that your special ex will change their mind or come back to you is NOT advisable (I'll address this in another blog).  

  

A Note on the "Real" Loss -  People (especially women) will often fall for the idea of what they think someone is.  Sadly, when the relationship fails, the feeling of loss that descends over you, isn’t necessarily the loss of the person or even the relationship itself.  Rather, it may be the idea/fantasy of what one had hoped for, which is the true source of pain.     

So, how DO you let go and move on??? 


Step 1. Poof! Be Gone! – Cut-off All Contact

You need to give yourself time to heal and accept the finale of your relationship/dating/talking or whatever you were doing.  By cutting off all contact, you provide yourself with some space and the ability to free your mind.  Remember as long as you are in a head space about that ex, you’re never available for someone better.  Cutting off contact means no calling, texting, g-mailing, blackberry messaging, skyping, or FaceBook messaging.  If you think you'll be tempted to reconnect, than DELETE all contact info.  Yes, this may be drastic, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Also, do not update your status (through the various media channels) with subliminal messages.  This is transparent and will not help you!  I usually recommend at least a 30 days of Poof! Be Gone!  But, depending on the seriousness of your relationship you may need to extend it to 90 days.

Step 2. Acceptance

In the beginning of a relationship people tend to see only the good stuff, while negating the lesser qualities he/she is also presenting.  When the relationship ends, you may realize the presence of those lesser qualities have always existed.  By paying attention to these lesser qualities now, you may find yourself glad you are no longer with your ex. 

You need to confront the brutal facts.  Take note of what fantasies you may have created AND what you were not getting from the relationship.  If you do this honestly, I guarantee you’ll be glad you are no longer with your ex.

Step 3. Realize Your Worth

You have to KNOW your strengths and practice self-love.  If you don’t know this, how can you ever expect anyone else to know it?  If you’re having a hard time with this, make a list of the amazing qualities that define you, and say it to yourself.  You have to truly realize YOU are awesome and worth being with someone who values you.  If the person you were with before doesn’t want you, then clearly he/she doesn’t deserve you… KEEP IT MOVING… Onto, a bigger and better fish in the sea!

Step 4.  Find a New Passion

This is a chance to gain a new love outside the realm of a relationship.  Take a moment to think about what you really love or would like to do, and busy yourself with it.  This is another way to free up your headspace.

Step 5.  Get Out There & Date Again

Date with no expectations.  Create a roster of new possible candidates, always reminding yourself of how AMAZING you are.  Don’t settle too quickly on a new interest either, as this may only be a rebound and prevent you from truly moving on.  And most importantly, always be yourself. 

As you embark on a new relationship, always be sure to park any fantasies you may have.  Stay in the moment and let the future unveil for you what it has planned.  Let him/her prove he deserves you and allow whatever is to happen, happen.  Plain and simple, go with the flow!  No expectations, no fantasies and no limitations.  Finally, don’t paint the next person with the same brush.  Everybody deserves a fresh start.

*Please note, I am not an expert on relationships. I only offer my tried and tested knowledge...  I have never broken anyone's heart (a feat I am quite proud of) so there are certainly some limits to my scope of knowledge on relationships.

"Poof! Be Gone!" Inventor, 
 Nicole